Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
