zippers are such a cool invention
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
