We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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