We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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