I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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