clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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