12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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