her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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