Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
whose ass print is on the piano?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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