God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
