2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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