I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize