The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
