tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
