Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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