Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
