Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
