wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
