i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i think i just lost a toe
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
