I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
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Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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