Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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