Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Congratulations! We have a period
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
