The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
