So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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