Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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