Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
