Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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