then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
