I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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