Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
