I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have aggressive nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize