just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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