dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
