I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
