I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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