Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
