I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
