Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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