I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
