So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Four minutes until I can fart!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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