I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
