I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
