I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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