the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
