in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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