So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
