But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
