I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
