I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
