at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
