Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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