So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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