My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
