So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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