The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
