Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
