Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
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I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
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We have started to decorate penises.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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