I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
