I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
