I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
