Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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