why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
