i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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