4 words: hood of his car
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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