I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize