You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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