any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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